I am turning fifty years old tomorrow. This means I have lived half a century. For the entire year, I have been thinking, ok, maybe even fretting, about this huge milestone in one’s life. If I’m being honest I really don’t feel like it is possible that I am fifty years old already. It is strange how time does that. The years go by but on the inside it seems like just yesterday your life was beginning.
I am hopeful that my fifties will be some of my best years yet. It has not been an easy feat making it to this point in life and yet it also seems like, as I said before, time has flown by.
Someone recently told me that their forties were their best years and that fifty was just not it for them. This bothered me at first, but I have to remember that everyone has their own journey. For me my forties brought with it a lot of change, resilience, and growth. In my forties, all three of my children graduated from high school and two of them graduated from college. In my forties, I went back to school and earned both a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree. In my forties, I began my teaching career. And in my forties, I lost my sister. These are just the big events. There are so many more sandwiched in between. I learned to let go of really heavy things that I had carried with me for years. I learned to love myself a little better. I learned to fall in love all over again with my husband. I learned that I can do really hard things. I learned that having adult children is equally as sweet and amazing as having little ones. I learned to be brave. I learned to step out of my comfort zone. I learned to be me. My authentic and true self.
I am not saying that authentic and true is always pretty because it certainly is not. Life is messy and I am human. I get caught up in insecurities and performance anxiety, and I get snippy and tired, but through it all I remind myself who I am in Christ Jesus. I am so grateful for His grace and provision over my life. There are so many times I fail. So many times I get caught up in the stress or sadness or simply put, “the struggle”, but God is faithful. He is real.
The idea of being a Proverbs 31 woman is what I strive for. I want to be the kind of wife, mother, teacher, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, that points others to God. I want the people around me to feel loved and cared for. I want to be seen as a woman of grace and confidence. I want my words to build up and not tear down. As I move into this second half of a century, I pray that I will continue to grow and change, but I hope it is a sweet time of observation and reflection. I pray that I am a pillar of strength for my children and grandchildren. I pray that my words and actions bring comfort. I am looking forward to weddings (one very soon), and grandbabies, vacations, and celebrations. I am looking forward to spending more time writing and reading, and who knows, maybe even getting to speak some more at youth events. I want most of all to grow closer to the Lord. I want to relish His goodness and soak up his blessings.
The past fifty years have taught me so much about myself and the person I have been striving to be my whole life. I would not say that I have arrived, but I would say that I am arriving and according to God’s will, I think I am right on time. ~TDB
Lord, thank you for loving me so much more than I deserve. I pray that my actions and my words will be full of wisdom and that they will be pleasing to you. I pray that while I am still on this Earth that you will continue to protect and provide, and I thank you that I know without a doubt that the best is yet to come. I love you, Lord.
In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen